SF Notes #2

Pama and Sunanda were not going to be ready for all of the visitors staying at Vasanta Vihar immediately after Krishnaji’s arrival, so everyone was politely invited to tour different parts of India for a few days after Krishnaji’s departure from Rishi Valley and before they were expected at Vasanta Vihar. An exception was made for me, presumably at Krishnaji’s request, as that had not originally been anticipated.

Very early in the morning, at around 5:00, we set off in two cars for Madras. In one car were Krishnaji, Dr. Parchure, and—I believe—Narayan. In the second car were Parameshwaram, Lakshman Rasiah (who was not staying at Vasanta Vihar), and myself. As usual, a group of people assembled to see Krishnaji off. It was half-light when they started arriving, and while this has never been a happy event, it seemed on this occasion to be unusually glum. Most people knew—I think—or perhaps they only suspected, that he would never return. I knew from what he had said that this was true, and as we drove down the road past those huge boulders and those bare, rounded granite hills that he talked about so often and that he seemed to love, it was moving to think that he was probably saying to himself that he was seeing them for the last time. Halfway to Madras we stopped beside the road next to a crop of ripe sugar cane and had our breakfast all together. Parameshwaram had prepared a marvelous picnic basket of idlies and half a dozen different other things.

Krishnaji immediately went to bed after arriving at Vasanta Vihar. He still had a fever and he was tired after the long drive, which is about five hours long. Krishnaji had asked me to find out as soon as possible about flights to Ojai, and I had wanted to do that immediately upon my arrival in Madras. However, Krishnaji had also told Pama to help me get some shirt and trouser material and I found myself on that first day shopping with Pama, who was kind enough to offer to help. This did mean, however, that I couldn’t very well be looking for plane tickets, and I was somewhat anxious to get started on that during the next day. This was very difficult because I didn’t want to be clandestine in what I was doing, and yet I couldn’t very well be open, either, as Krishnaji didn’t want his intentions to be known until they were set.

Krishnaji was extremely upset at the way he found Vasanta Vihar. He felt that there was something very wrong with the atmosphere. About two weeks later, he was to say emphatically some quite terrible things about Vasanta Vihar and about Sunanda’s and Pama’s influence on the place.

When I got to Vasanta Vihar, Pama told me that the Foundation would like to pay for some clothes for me, which they had done years before when I had collected all the money for their video equipment, brought it over, set it up, and trained people how to use it. At the time I had thought, well, all right, fair enough, I’ve done a good piece of work for them and if they wish to repay me in this way, then all right, I accept it. But I did not want them to pay for any clothes for me on this trip. I didn’t feel it was right and obviously they were only offering this because Krishnaji had told them that they had to. Anyway, I refused, and I went up and told Krishnaji that it really was not right. But Krishnaji insisted that I take it. I didn’t want to and felt that it was establishing a wrong relationship; they would only resent it afterward, even if they were going along with it now. I also felt that the money that was being raised for his work should not be spent on clothing for me. But Krishnaji insisted more strongly than I could that I take it. It had something to do with what Krishnaji was doing with Pama; he was trying to show them something, or I don’t know what it was, but it was clear that he was going to insist—he did insist. So, finally I accepted, and Pama—although it never sat very well with him—did it as graciously as he could.

Whenever I went out shopping for material, Krishnaji wanted to see what I had bought. He had the most marvelous eye and memory for material of anyone I have ever known. He would always feel it and he could tell immediately the quality of it. When I got back that afternoon, he wanted to see my purchases and he asked me about the flights. I had to respond that I couldn’t do anything that day about the flights and would have to wait.

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