SF Notes #7
The final meeting that involved the trustees was really a discussion that Krishnaji wanted to have with the Pundit concerning some rather peculiar and special aspects involved in Krishnaji’s birth and the nature of who he is and which the Pundit felt he had learned something about. Soon after the discussion began, however, Pupul entered into the discussion and then others, and the discussion changed direction. It was a very good discussion at the end, but it was not the discussion that Krishnaji had wanted to have.
When this discussion was over, Krishnaji asked me to get the master tape for him to bring with him so it could go to Brockwood. For some reason, he didn’t trust the Indian Foundation with this tape, and he didn’t want it to appear in Pupul’s book. Again, I didn’t understand it, but simply tried to do as he asked, which proved somewhat difficult. They couldn’t seem to believe my request and in fact two or three different people had to ask Krishnaji directly before what he was asking for was accepted. He must have said to one of them, if not several of them, that he did not even want them to have a copy, but this I didn’t know, and it was only when I was in Ojai that I found out that they didn’t have a copy. I thought Krishnaji was just bringing back the master tape.
Krishnaji never went back on to the board of governors, although he did relent on his name remaining in the Foundation and schools. He told me several times and he told other people that he was “out of it,” and he said it with relief. He also said to some people who wanted to ask him about things, that they had to decide since he was no longer on the Foundation. Pupul was automatically going to become president, but at the end I was told that she would not become president but only remain vice president, and that there would be no president as long as Krishnaji was alive.
Sometime during the last week or so of my stay in India, drawings of the new center at Brockwood arrived from the architect. I was happy to be able to show them to Krishnaji as well as to the Indian trustees. Krishnaji wanted me to show them to Pupul, but when I did, it was hard to get a word in edgewise with her telling me about the wonderful Indian architects and wonderful Indian architecture and the wonderful Indian building traditions. After several attempts, I finally was able to explain something to her about the center. Apparently, she went up to Krishnaji afterward and told Krishnaji that she didn’t like it, and from then until the final days of his life he would occasionally tell me that Pupul said—and here he would do a small imitation of her, and he seemed to enjoy doing it—“I don’t like it.” For some reason, her saying this and the way she said it conveyed something to him about her, and whenever he did this little imitation, it was by way of making a comment about her.
In the last few days—I believe—of Krishnaji’s stay in India, Dr. Krishna asked Krishnaji if he would please go to see Rukmini Arundale, who for the last sixty years had been beastly toward Krishnaji. Dr. Krishna is Rukmini Arundale’s nephew and Rukmini was dying of cancer, and Dr. Krishna did not want that long association to end on the bad note that it had been on for the last sixty years. So, Krishnaji agreed to stop by and see her for a few minutes on the way to his beach walk, since he drove by her house on the way to his walk every day. He told me to come with him, but since I could see that he didn’t want to go, I tried to dissuade him. However, he said, “No, I have already committed myself,” and he simply resigned himself to doing it. Afterward, he told me that it had been a mistake. He was trying to encourage Dr. Krishna, who was new. Dr. Krishna, Nandini, and I accompanied Krishnaji, and the atmosphere in that place was awful. We sat around for four or five minutes exchanging pleasantries.
As Krishnaji was preparing to leave, there was a real sense of his winding things up and it was quite clear to everyone that he wouldn’t be coming back. He was still ill and running a fever (and at one point he weighed only ninety-seven pounds). He wanted to settle a pension for Dr. Parchure (who had been living on a pittance) and for Parameshwaram (who would be retiring), both of whom he suspected would probably not be looked after in his absence as well as he would have liked. None of the trustees wanted to discuss at the meetings when Krishnaji was there just what they would give them, but they all said yes, yes, yes, we’ll give them more and passed over it. I don’t know what was resolved.
He also didn’t want to leave any of the good clothing that he had in India, because he was sure it would be commandeered by those who were left in charge, and he didn’t want that. Consequently, when we were packing, we went through all of the cupboards and packed all of the good articles that he had. This he did even though Upasani and Mahesh had assured him that they would look after his things as he asked them to do. He had told them that they could have his things if he didn’t return, but Mahesh was not going to take charge of the Foundation until the first of April, and Krishnaji did not trust what might happen in the intervening period. When I look back at this episode, which I remember quite clearly, it encapsulates so well for me what he seems to have felt about the people in power and the KFI. It was quite tragic and yet it seemed to be quite unarguable.